I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
