I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
