I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was like eating out sand paper
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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