At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
