You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
