it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
