I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shame - the story of my life.
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