she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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