Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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