Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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