Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
