I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize