i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
