im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
