she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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