come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
