Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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