The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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