Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
