There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
