Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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