I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
