Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
