Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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