Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
