She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
