Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
