I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
