if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
