READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
