I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
