He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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