Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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