So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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