she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
