I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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