obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
PANTIES FOUND
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