I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
