i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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