Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
