Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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