Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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