I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't deserve a penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
