I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
