I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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