my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
