I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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