I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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