Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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