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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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