oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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