We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
