"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
