reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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