Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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