I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
