Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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