The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
