Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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