Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
