What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
