I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
