my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
