So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
