And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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