I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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